Wow, it has definitely been awhile since I’ve written, or done much of anything. The past few months have been full of heartache, disappointment and hurt. A lot has happened in my life and the life of our family. It really does feel like we’ve been through a great battle and have felt many blows. Funny how life can seem dandy one day and then your whole world seems to fall apart the next. When it rains, it pours! This time around has been most difficult, because I have felt a big attack on my faith.
Eight months ago, Mario, the kids and I took a huge step of faith as a family. One much like Peter, when he stepped out of boat to walk on the water to the LORD with nothing solid under his feet, but trusting in a God who is capable of anything. This step was one that we had prayerfully made and fully trusted was the right one. Within a month of that initial step, what we had thought we were stepping into became very messy. Promises made by someone we trusted fell through. We were found scrambling for help and the panic I experienced felt as though I was drowning.
I wish I could say it was short lived. However, the truth of the matter was, it only became a bigger problem. As if we weren’t already struggling enough, more and more seemed to be crashing down on us. Have you ever been in a place where you feel like you just can’t take anymore? Like you are going to die if it doesn’t stop? That’s how I began to feel. There were even moments, to be honest days, where I wondered where Jesus was. Did He hear us? Did He care? Why is this happening? We thought we were being obedient, so why was this happening? I found myself agonizing before the LORD as I asked these questions. We prayed, we sought, we asked others to pray, we fasted, we read, we tried to stay focused and yet in all of it, we seemed to come up empty. Things seemed to continue to crash in on us, as well. At least that’s how I felt.
I found myself questioning the character of God, who had always proved faithful to me and our family. It really hurt! Never before, in the 26 years of being a Christian, had I felt this way. Had I been in tough situations before? Absolutely! I guess never to such magnitude. I wanted to give up. We wanted to give up. But God gave Mario and I two very precious gifts that wouldn’t allow us to do that. Their names are Londyn and Brayden. Seriously, in all of this, they have been my saving grace. Did I mention they are gifts from God? He did care! Mario and I tried really hard to keep our children from being affected by all of this, but kids are much smarter than we realize. Might I add, they can be very tuned in to the Spirit. As I would put the kids to bed at night, Londyn started praying that God would do a miracle for our family. She prayed her heart out for mommy and especially daddy. Brayden started doing the same. This went on for over a month. Suddenly there was a huge shift. Was the battle over? No! But there was a new perspective. I can’t speak for Mario, but my eyes were opened to the fact that God has been very active in all of this. He has been right here. He has used our gracious family and friends to see us through. He has provided for us in ways that we had never seen coming. He has given us opportunities that we wouldn’t of had otherwise. Daily He has carried us and been faithful!
With a new perspective, I see that things most definitely could have been worse. I’m praying it never will be. We are still experiencing some aftershock but we are moving forward. This continues to be a journey and much healing is still needed. I want to encourage you that if you are going through your own battles and feel completely trapped, don’t turn from the LORD, turn to Him. He does hear you! He does care! In His graciousness and perfect timing, He will give you exactly what you need. Know this, life happens, people will let us down (even unintentionally) and there is definitely an enemy who is out to destroy us, but God can use anything for His glory and our good. If you stand in Him, He will make you steadfast and although you may feel beaten, you will still be found standing!
0 comments:
Post a Comment